I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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