there's paper in my vomit.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
