I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
