you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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