How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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