i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize