1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
