You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
