last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
