First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
