The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
