I bet he comes in French.
Duck Duck Cougar?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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