I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
