so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
50% drunk capacity currently
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
