So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
