She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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