wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
