I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
