I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
