So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
