dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
