I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
