His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
