My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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