I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize