Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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