Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
