i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
sex in a hospital.. check
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
