i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
