he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
