I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
