You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
