Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
