hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
