don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
