my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
