I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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