He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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