At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
