If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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