My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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