Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
