So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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