at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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