We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
