You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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