I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
