I forgot how hot balto sounded
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
