and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
