5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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