I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
