Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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