Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize