question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
