bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
