I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
