I look better un-naked...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
