1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
