I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize