Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
