if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
