Don't make out with my wife yet
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we're so committed to being not committed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
