for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
