Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
