stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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