i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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