i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
