I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
