mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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