drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Soap is not a condiment
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
