Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
