i think my tv is drunk
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
