There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
