I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You made out with two different species that night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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