I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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