the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
