When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize