Plan B is the new Plan A
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
