Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
