Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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