he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize