you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
