There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
