He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
