It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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