found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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