dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
