why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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