a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You were trust falling into bushes
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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