Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
