she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
