yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
