i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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