Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just high enough for therapy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
