They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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