Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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